I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
