I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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