i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
