My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
