I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
