After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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