wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
