My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
