I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love you.
Bad choice
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