I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
