Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
