Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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