his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i drank out of a bidet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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