So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
