I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
