So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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