I cut my penus on the lid.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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