he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
