drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
