So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
