Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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