she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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