I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
