Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
