The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
