new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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