Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
