the day after is always just damage control
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
