I skipped work to stalk him.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
