New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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