They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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