Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
