If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
