Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
