i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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