My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
