He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
