I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
