Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
