he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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