I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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