he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
