I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am one with the molecules
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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