bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
