Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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