That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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