at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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