He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
