i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
