Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
