Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
