I'm jealous of your bromance
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
